"When I Loved You the Most" by Shine
For so long, I’ve searched for the right words,
To capture what I lost when you slipped away.
Like waves, pulling at the shore, grain by grain,
Your absence erodes parts of me I cannot name.
We never truly belonged to the same world,
I wondered if standing on tiptoes could bridge
The distance between us—but I now confess,
That was my naive, foolish wish.
I always tell myself, This will be the last time,
The last time I drown in this sea of feelings,
Wasting my days longing for you without reason—
Yet, I’m drawn back to the moment you were with me.
I dream of your hand warm in mine,
Untouched by distance, when everything felt right.
But I wake with cold, empty hands, and realize—
All the pieces of you I can never reclaim.
I’ve tried for ages to name this feeling, but nothing fits.
Strangely, I loved you most in your absence,
Missed you fiercely when I saw you again,
Transformed into someone else, yet your memories refused to fade.
Nothing was ever the same after that summer without you.
The rainy season passed, the sky turned blue.
Yet not even the gentlest raindrops could cleanse my unshed tears,
Nor fill the void where you once stood.
If I had to name the effect you had on me—
I was the calmest water; you, the stone
That sent ripples through my life,
Shaking me to my very core.
Image Description: A tall, portrait-style photo of soft, foamy waves rolling onto the grainy sand of the beach.
Credit: Sümeyye Korkusuz / Pexels
Feelings spread like waves, filling my once-empty heart
With memories of you and a bittersweet ache.
The warmth of your hand, the sound of your voice—
The spark in your eyes that had me spellbound.
You’ll never know how you broke through my cold walls,
How your voice echoed past the water drowning my world,
Or how your face—radiant beneath the winter sun—
Still lives in my mind, vivid and clear.
As if just yesterday you were here,
But it’s been years since I felt that warmth.
And I fear you might become an echo— a ghost
That my cold hands can’t reach in these drowning waters.
About the Author
Shine (she/her) is an active writer on Neobook. This is her first contribution to Underground Bookshelf.
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