"A Losing Game" by Reese Freedman
Content Warning: hospitals, sickness, death and dying
“ She's ten years old doctor, you can't just sit here and tell me that there's nothing you can do for her? You can't just sit here and tell me you’d give up if she was your own?” Jay screams, his voice piercing against the backdrop of beeping hospital machines and roaring ac. His fists are clenched tight matching his white hot anger as he pounds after the old man.
“ You can’t just come after me and say that boy mind your manners!” My mother yells her fingers gripping his arm, grief making her grab tight. Tighter then she means too but she's not releasing not her anger not her grief and not my brother.
“ I'm no liar kid, I cant do anything for her!” The doctor spits mad as a hissing hornet for my brother's outburst, but his thoughtless words just add sparks to the fire.
Image Description: A brightly lit, sparsely decorated hospital room with a hospital bed and monitors.
Credit: Saulo Zayas / Pexels
“ I'm not a liar, I'm not some rude teenager, I'm a boy.” He screams, his voice breaking and tears join his anger. “I'm a boy who's watching his baby sister die, who's sitting here watching as his sister fades away and disappears at the hands of you! I'm just a little boy!” My brother bursts, face flaming as he grips the side of my bed but he doesn't look at me for reassurance. He doesn't think he needs my permission to defend me but right now he's not helping me. He's just tearing the last threads of our family apart. Ripping at the shreds of what used to be a tightly knit quilt. Tearing apart his relationship with mom, a relationship he's gonna wanna cling on to after I'm gone.
He's not helping me or more importantly he's not helping himself. I'm not gonna be around here for much too long. What helps me doesn't matter, it all just delays the inevitable. Jays going to live a long life if I have anything to do with it and hurting our family isn't a great start. I know I'm right and they;d know I was right if they ever had the mind to listen. I'm the sickly little angel who doesn't get a voice or a choice anymore. I might not be long for this world but that doesn't mean my feelings aren't. “ Shut up!” I make myself roar over the noise flooding my head.
“ Yeah Doc shut up.” Jay mutters smugly, his tears and anger all too quickly forgotten when he for a sliver of a second thinks he's winning but when he sees my face he knows he's not. You can't win in life. That's what I’d tell him if I had the time. It's not a winning or losing game, not everything's football. Life's not something you succeed at by scoring a touchdown, winners are happy and it's obvious he's not.
“ No, shut up all of you, especially you jay, I'm dying you've known it for months, there is nothing you can do you hear me? Nothing! Stop whining and cursing about it all you're doing is dirtying up the few memories we’ve got left. I'm dying and it's ok, it's natural to die, everyone dies, that doesn't mean you should ruin all your family ties because of it!” I'm screaming, I've been docile and dainty and delicate for months. I've let them think they're helping me by spoon feeding me and wrapping me safely. They were wrapping me away from a life I don't have much longer to live and I let them.
The tsunami has been building for weeks, and I can see as it crashes, white foamy shock splashing on all three of their faces, and it feels good, being heard. It feels strong even when I'm the definition of weak. It feels long-lasting even when I'm anything but, and my words feel so darn right.
But then comes the aftershock and it almost knocks me off my feet but in the last few minutes I've become unshakable. “You were my hero Madi but you're so selfish! We're a mess here and you're happy to leave us! We all want to run away from this crumbling mess of a family, and you have an easy way out lucky you! We're all drowning here Madi and you're so excited to slip away. Go on, go die we’ll claw our way out without you it’ll be easier without our weak link!” Jay scoffs. I forget how to breathe, my eyes burn and I wish I couldn't hear him wish the room was silent again. It's a dozen arrows to my weak beating heart. His face is so detached, and he spits out my name like a curse word.
My nose burns. Stomach churns. Eyes squeezed shut to stop the shaking. I can feel it from head to toe the first tears I've cried in a long time. It's a comment that would mean nothing. Nothing! If it came from anyone else but It didn't. It came from his mouth, his lips, his very own brain. The boy who bandaged my banged-up knees is knocking me down. And finally, I see him for what he really is.
" You say you want to make me happy but actions speak louder than words! I told you my dying wish! I had one wish Jay and I waited up for you! All. Night. Long.” My voice breaks mid scream. You never showed up, when have you ever showed up? something else has always been more important, you make promises and you break them it's the only thing in life that's ever consistent.”
I sob into my pillow and look up, raw eyes red and burning, staring right at him. “I should've realized what a fake you were years ago, but I had my blinders on until I ran out of excuses! You can only forget so many times Jay admits it, you never want anything to do with us, you aren't a hero, you're a liar!”
He turns around and walks out. He never denies it. Never defends himself. He just walks out. Leaving me and disappointing me like so many times before but at least this time I'm expecting it.
About the Author
Reese Freedman (she/her) is a new author who just loves to read and come up with stories whether on paper or in her head until too late at night.
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